i mean thanks for hitting us with the obvious stick trace.
howwwwwwwever....i'm going to be honest, i have found many times God prying things from my grasp as he gently reminds me that i am not the author of my life...that i am not in control, and that whenever i do try to control things and refuse to faithfully let God have the steering wheel that's when i usually end up hitting a tree.
recently i have been reminded that there is indeed a season for everything, and that sometimes things changing is the best thing for ourselves and the people around us who we love the most.
change can hurt and lately i have found myself realizing just how deeply. this year has been the year of change. with the exception of a handful of people (of whom i love very much), most of our friends have left...their lives are changing, they are out in the "real world", they are working at new jobs, they are meeting new people, they are living in new places. i, however, have changed my major, changed roommates and houses, and....yep...no, that's all that's changed.
as i look around and see that life is not slowing down because i'm still in auburn God has been showing me that he is using it for my good (because after all he works all things together for the good of those who love him, right? :) ). for those of you who know me well, you know that i'm stubborn, a slight control freak (whoops), and ultimately someone who more often than not learns things the hard way. it's hard to admit it, but if i don't sometimes i feel like i'll never change it. i truly feel like the Lord is showing me through my extra year here (due to my learning things the hard way...) that my life is not actually about me.
God is sovereign.
he knows how things will work out, he knows what's best for us, and if we let him show us we will ultimately live lives that glorify him. lives that are full of joy and peace, even when there is lack of understanding. i think that relinquishing our lives to the Lord, believing, faithfully and wholeheartedly, that Christ is a much better driver than we are, we are ultimately headed towards a tunnel of huge change. our hearts change, our attitudes change, our thoughts change, our actions change, the way we speak to others change...the things we thought were most important suddenly seem to not be, the things we thought we wanted, or the way we thought our lives should work out begin to look much differently.
i'm going to be honest, whenever i pray about things and God doesn't answer them the way i wanted him to i usually quit praying about it. i know. everyone is gasping. but it's the truth. i become afraid. i start to worry that maybe God isn't hearing me right, or maybe that He just doesn't know if he gives me a chance i can make things work out, or maybe i can just figure things out for myself (you, know because i'm so smart and all....). for the first time in my life i feel like i am so ready for change. i'm ready for my world to be completely rocked, to be turned upside down, side ways, thrown across the world to china and back, to lose my life so i can finally find it, to jump of the cliff and not look down, to take the leap of faith.....
to....
the more i have pondered why i am where i am the more i have come to the conclusion that it is because i have not obeyed, listened, and allowed the Lord to change me completely. i have let him go only so far before i hit the brakes and tell him that i "got it from here." it is a lie to EVER think that we know better than God. and i am guilty in every way of believing that lie. God sees us for so much more than we see ourselves...whenever i think about taking social work to an international level that involves the ministry i think, no there's no way that will work out. but why not? God holds us in the palm of his hand...and he is NOT letting us go. even if something goes wrong, God is there. he will give us peace in the middle of the storm because that is his promise. i know there are times when we have all felt that we have left him...but he has NEVER left us. that is is promise. nothing we can do can ever separate us from the love of Christ. and if that is true, wouldn't it be true that because he loves us he is only going to pave a way that is the best for us if we would only take up our crosses and follow him?
one day at a time.
Lord not my will, but your will be done.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29: 11-13
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